Parsnip Supplement ~ Issue 7 ~ 01-02-2026

1st February 2026

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Issue 7

Character Spotlight

February

February, second-found and eldest of the youngest Calendar siblings, is very much the white sheep of the family. Straight-laced, business-minded, blue-sky-thinking, sharp-suited and two quiet hours away from a mental breakdown. They're ever-ready for a firm handshake, a scheduled chin-wag, a presentation invite, an exchanging of business cards, and as long a list of positive adjectives and platitudes as there are awkward silences to fill.

After a tumultuous year solo, finding February was one of the best things their freshly co-adopted sibling January could've never expected. Despite the percieved physical difference, they came to view one another as equals, partners is bewilderness, able to fill one-another's shortcomings as best they could.

January tried their best to ensure February had the childhood they didn't. Encouraged meeting the friends they couldn't make, learn the subjects they weren't privy to, climb up the ladder they never saw. In retrospect this encouragement could've been a little more tempered.

The seratonin feedback-loop of academic success developed in them a push to strive for excellence in work above all. Networking, speech-delivering, report-managing, deal-brokering, surely these are the path to a better life for themself and the ones they love. Proud though they are, their siblings would rather February remember that there should've been, at some point, a destination in mind

If they have a lifeline beyond deadlines and confluences beyond conferences it is their family. Their bond may only be explicitly spoken in tensely-delivered behind-the-shoulder whispers, but it lurks implicitly in the space between the timetables.

Schedule gaps filled unquestioningly with snatched coffee-shop catch-ups, surprise deliveries of 'I saw this and thought of you' luxury gifts, curiously wiped debts and oddly raised credit scores.

February supports their loved ones from the shadows, in less of a 'Batman' sort of way and more of a 'Sniper on a Distant Knoll' fashion.

They know the landlord, are good friends with the CEO, have a wonderful decorating team on-call, can have a tête-à-tête with the architect, went to school with the loan shark, is enjoying brunch with the police commissioner tomorrow. The love is shown, just often one degree removed from the target.

They have, at times, been forced to confront the truth: Tearful evenings on January's sofa, pagerless festive family dinners, secretly-planned birthday 'meetings', one-on-ones with November in a specially padded, sound-proofed room. Cathartic though these may prove in the moment the lasting effect lingers slightly briefer than the time it takes to fix the running mascara. The eddy of the rolodex pulls strongly. Perhaps one day they'll settle down and learn what a hobby is albeit not without the help of at least five siblings, a rural intervention and a couple of top-notch therapists.

Cinema

Curse: Eye of Isis ~ Stream Highlights #2

Oh yes, whatever befell our "hero" Darien Dane at the clutches of the Curse of Isis? Will Inane Dread ever see the light of day, or was that the last of A Rain Ended? Let's find out it the Curse: Eye of lsis Highlights, Part 2!

Please enjoy the finale of my two-part highlight reel (the first part can be found in the previous issue) of our stream playthrough from late 2023. If, for some reason, you find yourself still clamouring for more spooky jank, you can find the full playthrough here! You can also support me on Patreon to see next month's video right now! It's very festive, as befits the season.

Sillies

Jokes

You probably don't care but I could easily put a price tag on anything, you know, for what it's worth. My handmade abacus is very realiable, you can count on it I know giving anything to charity is always worthwhile, but I do feel like my support for 'Clean Water for Fish' is just a drop in the ocean Oh, I know what heartbreak is. I've experienced true heartbreak, losing someone that close to me. They were amazing. Always there when I needed them, always so smooth, their reassuring curvy pink silhouette, fitting oh so snugly in my pocket, I remember I'd say, "Pepto Bismol, I don't kn-", sorry, heartburn. Despite expectations, the announcement of velcro chairs didn't recieve a standing ovation

Crispy English Dictionary

• Aspirin v. Trying very hard to learn how to spell
• Cornea n. An ear of corn
• Haberdasher n. A dealer of small articles of clothing and dress who delivers to your door
• Manicure n. Oestrogen
• Perfume prep. For every cigarette

Comic

October & Co. ~ Calves

Puzzles

Unable Wordsearch

It is, at the time of writing, the 31st of January and until 2 hours ago I had not convinced myself that I had a puzzle in me interesting enough for my dear readers. Unfortunately for you I then had an idea. An idea which made me giggle, something that in the house of Crispy means I'm legally obliged to see it through.

What follows may be one of the most uncomfortable, unamiable and perhaps unjustifiable puzzles I've made. Not for any moral reason, of course, it's just that every word begins with 'un-' and ends in '-able'. Which I'm sure you'll agree is most understandable.

Ask The OC

"What do you think of AI?"

Beyond the Hedgerow

The Umbilical Brothers

Often I take this time to share a person or endeavour which I believe should have more of a spotlight on them than they already do, woefully underappreciated as I think they are. Today is not one of those oftens. It's The Umbilical Brothers!

Simply a pair of skilled performers, vocal imitators, mimes and comedians, The Umbilical Brothers certainly aren't clamouring for a miniscule boost in popularity from me. I'm simply sharing them because I, having discovered them a decade ago and only last week remembered they exist, dove down into the rabbit hole of their work. They've very much been cheering me up through a month of tumult, and if I can share that with you then why indeed shouldn't I?

The best description my mind could conjure for exactly what makes them more than just 'talented mimes' or 'funny comedians' is that, to me, they embody on stage the spirit of Calvin and Hobbes. An unbridled imagination made manifest through sound and mime which, through means I can only describe as wizardry, are somehow made immediately understandable to an audience receptive to the silliness.

It's worth bearing in mind that, when not in their made-for-kids 'The Upside Down Show', they're very much Calvin & Hobbes grown up: Some of the humour can be quite extreme for comedic contrast. So do prepare for the possibility that someone may take an imaginary chainsaw to an imaginary horse, or pluck an imaginary noose like a double bass whilst somebody pretends to swing from it.

Nevertheless the dormant performer in me cannot help but just recommend you watch them. First watching as you're taken in by their made up nonsense world, and then again realising that, despite what you thought you just saw, it was in fact just two people and some microphones. A chance to relish that rare occasion when refusing to suspend your disbelief can make something even more impressive.

Epilogue

And with that the winds of February blow into view, carrying with them the drizzle and grey of a new year. If you fancy adding a smidge of coloured lining to someone else's overcast cloud, then do feel encouraged to share this around. After all what's the point of making this if... uh... I think that sentence was going somewhere.

If you fancy subscribing to this newsletter through the archaic wizardry of the old tomes of RSS you can do so through this link. Or you could subscribe to my website's general feed for all updates and comics with this link.

Be seeing you,
Crispy
💜