Parsnip Supplement ~ Issue 3 ~ 18-08-2025

18th August 2025

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Issue 3

Character Spotlight

Claudio

Claudio is a ball of frustration and poorly-managed anger that, via the cruel whims of fate, is coccooned in the body of a soft rag doll.

Whilst he does all that he can to audibly, visually and physically advertise to the world that he is not, in fact, a cute and cuddly little poppet ready to be picked up and squeezed (particularly by your awful, germ-ridden children) he almost entirely fails. The aggressively thick felt eyebrows, the possession and wielding of needles, the ever-changing embroidered tattoos – he's come to believe that nothing will dissuade the general hordes from uncontrolled, invasive levels of cuteness aggression.

Not that he finds it particularly annoying of course. That would imply that most other things aren't equally aggravating to him.

His primary concern isn't that of the behaviour of other people but rather of what he can (or can't) do in opposition to it. When one is imbued with all the damage-dealing potential of a wisped wad of wool, it's somewhat difficult to take out one's frustrations. What, in his mind, ought to be a plasterboard-puncturing pugilistic pounding affects nought but a gentle thud and pouf of escaping air. And often giggles.

Claudio's first incarnation was in a short-lived surreal post-apocalyptic comic 'Since', debuting alongside a freshly-monikered October. Therein a clutter of confused creatures queried how they all ended up in their brand-new bizarre bodies. Claudio, of course, curses at choosing the short-straw with the license it gives him to carry needles a silver, if tarnished, lining.

Precisely how he ended up going from worrying in the wasteland to wangling wires under the corporate purview of Anomaly Inc. is anyone's guess. There he at least found a rebellious kindred spirit in his co-worker P.D. with whom practical pranks, employee endangerment and down-right deafening death-metal dins are all played for chortles.

This also affords him a reunion (albeit unknowingly) with new intern October. With a relationship not so knotty, they bond somewhat over their shared demand for occasional sewing-based surgery. Not that that doesn't stop October from becoming the trained-upon target of one or two of Claudio's jokes, nor indeed temporary tangled tattoos. If you call them embroideries he might stab you. It won't puncture far, though.

In his dreams Claudio has also served as the ill-cast leader of a gaggle of fantastical creatures in a far-flung grim and hollow land, indentured to serve as a mercenary for a mysterious, perhaps nefarious Lodge.

What he thought would be a one-time deal provides him permanent parenthood of a gaggle of metaphorical goblins (and a real one) by virtue of him being the least impulsive. Between a belligerent blind mouse, a violent viscera-connoisseur, a gung-ho goblin and Wimble, Claudio had little choice but to clasp the reins of their toddler-leashes or perish.

Waking up from these dreams, Claudio finds himself slightly less annoyed with the state of the world. Life, it seems, could always be worse.

Cinema

Around the Doodle in 80 Days

Do you remember that time when I programmed a hidden canvas consisting of 80 randomly-sized rectangles and filled in one per day over the course of 80 days without being able to see the whole picture? I'm sorry, I can't wait for an answer, it's the wrong medium for that. Regardless, it's here for your viewing pleasure once again!

By way of a little insider cricket, I had intended to kick off another one of these this year. I got as far as some very promising exploratory style doodlage before disaster oh-so cruelly struck and I invented some fictional boyfriends. That signalled the end of both that and my ability focus on anything else. For now! [Insert your dramatic sting of choice]

Sillies

Jokes

I thought the door wasn't going to withstand the strength of the storm, but it had a handle on it. According to a recent survey, over 95% of people would outright refuse to let a faucet into their home. Wow. Let that sink in. I saw a billboard today with the words 'Get Lucky' painted on the front in big red letters. It fell over and crushed my car. That's a bad sign. What have you got there? Wait! Don't tell me: It's Warhammer again, isn't it? Figures...

Crispy English Dictionary

• Gumption n. A shrewdness that impels the giving of unsolicited advice on park benches (see also Forrestry)
• Legend n. The foot
• Messiah excl. A familiar greeting between knight and their leige, accompanied with a tip of the helmet (see also Malady)
• Purview n. The sight of your bedroom ceiling as you lay stuck beneath a sleeping cat
• Taint cont. 'It is not'
• Underhand n. The palm

Reader's Letters

Dear Crispy,
Our nephew has just asked for the latest Sony video game console, but neither of us know anything about games! Could you please let us know how many consoles they have made and which is the most up to date?
 Yours, Ma Rioux & Louie G.

Thank you for your letter Mr & Mrs. G, but unfortunately there is an intimidating quantity of information regarding Sony's video game console output, particularly if one gets stuck into the details of mid-generation releases, additive upgrades and peripherals. I have neither the expertise nor the time to provide you with a comprehensive answer. Good luck on your quest though!
 Apologies, Crispy.

 PS: 5

Puzzles

Sudokémon!

In an effort to experiment with new puzzle styles, whilst avoiding the oft-exploited intricacies of English or mathematics, I stumbled upon a very silly idea. An idea I'm dubbing...

Below you can find a variety of mini sudoku-esque taster puzzles exploring one basic idea: What if you played sudoku not with numbers, but instead with Pokémon types!

Between cells you will see arrows with symbols inside indicating whether the type being pointed from is not very effective, neutral or super-effective against the type it's pointing to. Using this you simply fill in the grid with the 3 given pokemon types ensuring there are no repeats in any row or column.

As yet these puzzles are very small and are simply pictures that you can copy out or doodle atop. However if people enjoy these perhaps I'll have a crack at some larger puzzles and implementing an in-browser version to play on.

For now though, enjoy!

Comics

Avonvale

Outliers

Beyond the Hedgerow

Greig Johnson

Poking our noses over the fence this week, we ever-so-slightly invade the privacy of a fellow I've only recently stumbled upon, but became rather enamoured with. Specifically that very impersonal, viewer-to-creator enamourment where I just watch and enjoy videos, nothing too peculiar. It's Greig Johnson!

Now I'll be one of the top percentile to confess to not potholing the depths of YouTube's 'Maker' labyrinth, having primarily poked my bonce into the hypnotically relaxing door of The Crafsman and once or twice into the scribbly land of Bill Making Stuff. Nevertheless I can't say no to a recommendation of someone who chooses to spend their energy scratch-building a model of the mutton vindaloo beast from Red Dwarf.

And so delighted I was to find a very relaxing, witty, silly and informative time of somebody just... trying things. His work stands out to me not just for how wide-ranging the purview, nor how eclectic the skill-set, but because it's all presented in a very humble, welcoming fashion with a dollop of dry wit. The mistakes are shown, the successes are celebrated, the owl is squared and I've enjoyed bathing in the whole soup at least twice through by now.

From Ghostbusters props to Christmas music videos, from horror film dioramas to cyborg kaiju, from Knightmare to Jabberwocky, the man certainly doesn't sit still. Except when he's working. That said the modern semantic vagaries of 'making' aren't the extent of his skill-set.

Seemingly prior to jumping into the maker world, the erstwhile Johnson had been crafting comedy! Gosh how relatable. A wide range of fast-talking sketch characters festoon the early channel and boy are there some gems in there. Yes, there are. The Food Farms saga in particular lost me a metric pound of tears from laughter. I also have a personal soft-spot for his sharply observed Woody Brown music producer. The sheer density of puns and janked-up terminology in these skits puts my writing (and mix) to shame, not to mention that I have shamelessly adopted the term 'middle-end' while EQ-ing.

Once again I've given you cause to explore something far too wide-ranging for a humble peek over the boundary, but I thoroughly recommend diving into his absurdly under-viewed videos for whatever catches your fancy. And if you like what you see he also has a Patreon to help keep him going! Seems necessary to mention given how much I rely on mine.

Epilogue

To paraphrase the inimitable words of Queen, another one tills the dirt. This little allotment has been sown, watered, sunned and reaped just in time for *checks watch* the middle of the month.

If you found this enjoyable the do please expose someone you know to it, as if to a benevolent virus. If you didn't, well I'm always (subject to office hours) open to suggestions for things you'd like to see!

If you fancy subscribing to this newsletter through the archaic wizardry of the old tomes of RSS you can do so through this link. Or you could subscribe to my website's general feed for all updates and comics with this link.

Be seeing you,
Crispy 💜