Parsnip Supplement ~ Issue 4 ~ 23-09-2025

23rd September 2025

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Issue 4

Character Spotlight

December

December, the last of the first guard of Calendars, holds a special place in the family: The coveted, oft-envied position of being the only family member to have all their bits together, in a variety of senses. It's certainly nothing to turn your nose up at.

As eleventh in the line of abandoned artificial constructs their most notable feature is the, uh, lack of notable features. Resembling an almost entirely unaltered human - bar the tell-tale hexagonal patch over where the heart ought to be and irises of ever-so-slightly different shades of brown - it took some time for the Calendars to become aware of them in the first instance.

Only after a chance medical checkup revealed the absolute disarray of their organs did the Calendar hotline ring. Emotional unions are somewhat stifled when strong hugs put pressure on the kidney that's found its way under your shoulder blade, but important lessons on boundaries and/or exactly what an appendix does were set.

Commanding but gentle, organised but flexible, driven but not blinkered, December quickly took up the reins of authority-figure in the otherwise chaotic Calendar collective, despite arguably being the youngest.

They're the keeper of the board-game pieces, the organiser of celebratory gatherings, the motivator from slumps and the grounder from highs.

They're October's therapist, Nova's fire department liason, June's PA, February's HR, and Jan's motivation to just stop once in a while. As May's confidant, July's focus-bringer, Seppie's stage manager, August's injury specialist and March's survival encyclopedia, they're the Swiss-army knife of gathering this gaggle of gremlins into some semblance of sense, safety and self-satisfaction. Somewhat, at least.

Indeed when the new round of foundlings began with Monday, December wordlessly took it upon themself to become their guardian and guide through life. Partly because January really needed a break, and partly because they have *so* many books they're postiviely popping to pass on.

A fan of all things story-telling, December subsumed themself in books, stories, fanfiction, sagas, drabbles, tomes, epics, poetry, scrolls, AU's, the works! Prose by any other name reads just as neat. Whilst lacking in most of the family's poor habits, all-nighters of a particularly captivating narrative are not uncommon, particularly if it's something October or Seppie can also gush over.

They're not the first Calendar to own a library card before having a name (January was indecisive, December was impulsive) but they are the first to wear it down to dust. This was hardly concerning since it bore their pen-name 'Darcy M.T. Cholmondely' on it, a motley moniker mangled from stray book sleeves when the newly-woken construct was told they had to give their name before they could borrow anything. Since they're now employed at that same library, their coworkers often still call them Darcy or 'Chum' out of habit.

So if you ever find yourself in need to a chum to enthuse over books, pop into your local library and perhaps, just perhaps, they'll be there. It might take a loud noise to drag their attention away from their book, but good luck!

Sillies

Jokes

Am I going to the Egyptian mummy exhibition? Well, that remains to be seen. So many people keep gifting me skin lotion. It must be Eczemas! Yesterday I found a map of the Kingdom of Italian Cuisine. Beautiful, it was. You could see the Lasagne Lands over on the right. The Pizza Province up top. And, of course, the Pasta Duchy on the left hand side. You have aphantasia? Wow, I can't imagine what that's like... I just got attacked by a walrus' ghost! I'm flubberghasted!

Crispy English Dictionary

• Decide n. The act of killing ten people
• Emblem v.
• Minion n. A small onion
• Suppository n. A room in which assumptions are made (see also Guessed Room)
• Undue adj. Served without melted cheese

Travelogue

Views from a Coach Window

Puzzles

Sudokémon!

Continuing on from last issue's universally praised* Sudokémon experiments I have succeeded in constructing a fiendish 6x6 version for your entertainment! As before it's Sudoku with pokémon types, so get ready to brush up on your type advantages!

Crossword - Flat-Pack Dragons

Inspired by my cross-country travels I've manage to assemble another little crossword. Full of little in-jokes and reference to things exactly 5 other people will understand, it is nonetheless solvable by all. I hope.

Click here to play the puzzle in the browser, now with newly-implemented clue-higlighting feature! Because I'm nice like that.

Comics

Outliers ~ Bouquet

Avonvale ~ Peal

Epilogue

And so we toss aside the bouquet of time to ring in the changes once more, with another month solidly not-a-newsletter newslettered.

Please to not hesitate to multiply any pleasure this gave you by spreading it around like so much tangy marmalade. If you can make marmalade with parsnips, that is. And, of course, any feedback on things you'd like / not like to see is always welcome, subject to terms and conditions. They're mostly matters of politeness, don't worry. And soul ownership.

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Be seeing you,
Crispy 💜